FLAGSHIP · #001
FLAGSHIP FIGURE · #001
BOB STONE
“Small Sign Energy… Big Dreams” — Woke. Angry. Well Hydrated.
- 🪧 Protest sign (“WOKE” with rainbow)
- 🥒 Organic cucumber of accountability
- 💧 “Stay Woke” hydration bottle
- 📕 “How To Cancel Culture” guidebook
- 🐔 Emotional-support rubber chicken
Parody collectible. All accessories plastic. No actual activism included.
THE FULL LINEUP
14 deeply unserious figures · every box stamped AGES 14+ · Pre-Order: payment by advance transfer (bank / PayPal Friends / crypto) · ships after production
QUESTIONS NOBODY ASKED
Is this real activism?
No. It’s plastic satire. Touch grass, then buy a figure.
How does Pre-Order payment work?
By advance payment (Vorkasse): bank transfer, PayPal Friends, or crypto. You submit the order form, we confirm by e-mail with the payment details, and your figures ship after production.
When will my figures ship?
After production is finished. We confirm your order by e-mail and notify you as soon as your parcel is on its way.
Who is Woke Bob?
A bomb with googly eyes and big cancellation energy. Fictional. Obviously.
Why ages 14+?
Because the jokes need a fully developed eye-roll muscle.
SATIRE COLLECTOR'S GUIDE: HOW TO START (AND FINISH) YOUR SHELF OF SHAME
Every great satire collection starts with a single bad decision — and ours starts with BOB STONE, the Flagship Blister Pack. If you only buy one piece of plastic commentary on modern discourse, make it the flagship: it anchors the whole 14-figure Cancel Culture Collection and looks magnificent next to books you never finished reading.
Step 1: Pick your starter trio. New collectors usually grab WOKE BOB (the icon), KAREN CANNON (the conversation starter), and DOOMSCROLL DANA (the mirror). Three figures, one shelf, instant personality diagnosis for every guest who enters your living room.
Step 2: Understand the tiers. Common outrage (Hashtag Hank, Petition Pete) trades at entry prices and makes perfect gifts for people you follow but don't respect. Mid-tier sanctimony (Censor Sue, Trigger Tess, Virtue Vic) holds display value. Grails — Bob Stone and Council Chad — are the ones future collectors will fight over at estate sales.
Step 3: Display like you mean it. Satirical collectibles hate dark boxes. Line them up facing your front door so visitors are judged on entry. Mint-in-blister stays sealed; loose figures go in battle poses on your desk, ideally photobombing your video calls. Rotate seasonally: Boycott Betty for boycott season (always), Protest Pam for election years (also always).
Step 4: Gift strategically. Nothing ends a family debate faster than handing out MANSPLAIN MIKES at Thanksgiving. Each figure ships after production on pre-order terms — order early, because moral panics wait for no one. And if your shelf fills up, remember the collector's golden rule: a complete 14-figure set displayed together is worth more — in smugness, if not in dollars — than any single grail alone. Ages 14+, irony required, sincerity strictly optional. Full lineup below — scroll, judge, pre-order.